POEM_: As I Grew Up

As I grew up
I found
that life was not all
we were led to believe.

I found
that it was not fair.
I found
that it was not just, nor equal,
that it was not pure, nor virtuous.

Until one fateful night,
we were children,
who were allowed
none but the “pure” kind of love.
Overnight, we were told to call
the “dirty” love, “married bliss”.

We
who were not allowed
to look each-other in the eye,
we, who knew that sex was bad,
were told to have it.
And the men, and the women,
the elders of the family,
waited for the job to get done.
The cardinal sin had become
the very meaning, the sole aim of life.
The rite of passage, the ultimate duty.
With the ultimate disgrace
waiting for those who dared fail.

That was not fair
nor just, not pure nor virtuous.
When one sits back, and reflects
he finds that there are
two great realities of life:
Power and Love.
And each has its own scales.
One provides the means to life,
the other - meaning to it.
One is called
power, money, health,
knowledge, beauty, brains,
skill, status, pull…
The other is simply called love.
One is achieved, performed,
the other is simply felt, and expressed.

Power has no feelings;
Love no right to perform.

And that is why
it was so unfair.
They asked me to perform!

And as I grew up
I found Love.
I made it- one of my gods-
my only God,
and started living by It.

I met those whom I loved,
those who loved me, somewhat equally;
who desired a life with me.
But we always went our separate ways.
And never gave each-other for long
the love that we had promised.

Perhaps, because
Love is also of two kinds:
One that I was asked to desire,
One that I did desire.
And the two were, and are,
not equal.

Perhaps,
those who loved me
desired to be more equal,
than I did.
I just wanted more equality.

And so,
as I grew up
I found
that life was not just, nor equal,
that it was not pure, nor virtuous.

No one had told me that.

- owais

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This was first published in the book, 'Love?'